The following questions are meant as nothing more than a mirror for bringing your attention to these aspects of your life. There is no preset meaning implied in these questions nor correct answers.The answers you give are for your own self knowledge. In this fashion, these questions will engage both Essence and Personality. Remember, this is about answering “what is” and not what you believe it “should be.”
While pondering these questions, pay attention to two things: First, the actual answer is what you tell yourself about situation, preference or relationship. Second, notice your emotional relationship with each answer. (i.e. is it easy to admit or painful? Are you proud of your answer? Does the question make you angry? (Note: One telltale sign that something is getting triggered within you is if you have an extreme rejection of the question itself. Why is it so offending?)
- How many long term friendships do you have? (Anything over 5 years) What do you tell yourself is the reason?
- How many people can you tell intimate personal details to?
- How long do you keep a job? (If an employee.)
- How often do you turn over employees? (If a supervisor or owner.)
- How often do you have to go into fantasy or check-out when having sex? With or without a partner?
- How many secrets do you have, have held, or keep? (One way to determine this is to ask yourself how many topics are “really private”. Second, what information would you be mortified if anyone found out about? Do you have qualities or histories that you perceive to be so awful about yourself, that you conclude you are a sinner, or horrible human, or substandard, or somehow deserve to be punished or you are so worthless that you’d be better off dead?)
- How much ease do you have telling personal or intimate details about yourself?
- Are there any subjects or words or people that you find difficult to speak about?
- Are there any questions that you would label “inappropriate” or say “how dare you” or any extreme emotional reaction if someone merely asked it of you?
- How often do you find that people are angry with you? Are there any common reasons offered for it?
- How often do you find yourself angry at life or other people?
- Do you consider it necessary to be polite to flatter someone in return, even if you don’t believe what you are saying about them?
- Are you concerned about what friends, neighbors, or people you know, think about you? How much? Are there some more than others? (It is useful to make a list.) Why?
- How many ways do you find yourself limiting your natural expression because you are worried about the reactions of others? What are some of your top internal justifications?
- Is there anywhere in your life that you know you profess a belief in something that you actually do nothing to support?
- Is there some task that you say you do, but actually, you do very rarely or not at all?
- Do you find it difficult to maintain eye contact?
- If a parent, do your children like you?
- Do you “like”, not just love, your children? What is it about them that you dislike? (Make a list.)
- How much time do you spend with your children? (Not like to spend, not wanted to spend, not “I could if I would”, but how much time?)
- Do you believe that you have to please your children?
- Is it your view that children are unruly and need discipline? How much should your children have to displease you before you start to resent or dislike them?
- What kind of things make you laugh?
- How often do you laugh or even smile (naturally, not for flattery)?
- What principle would you stake your life to defend, if any?
- For what person would you risk your life for?
- Is there any reason you would willingly choose death?
- How would you like to be remembered after you die?
- How do you think the world (friends or strangers) will actually remember you?
- What should your epitaph read to accurately reflect your life?
- Under what conditions do you believe it permissible to lie, fib, withhold, deceive, distract, or in anyway not tell a person what you know when they inquire directly?
- What percentage of your spiritual/moral/integrity ideals actually appear in your daily life? (e.g. – a) You believe in the truth, yet you lie and tell the boss you are sick just when you want a day off? b) You talk about prosperity but you can’t pay the rent on time. c) Unconditional love is your standard, but you can’t stand the bastard that lives next door.)
How well did you know yourself? The number of these questions that you were able to answer with immediacy, clarity, and accuracy simply reflect your self-awareness.
Though some questions contain multiple parts, they provide ample clarification for giving context to the subject being probed. How thoroughly did you answer the questions? How quickly could you answer them? How much doubt or anger did reading these bring up? These questions ask factual assessment whose answers may may reveal to you where your beliefs and your behavior differ.
For follow-up, ask 3 people whose opinion you trust to answers these questions about you and note how they compare. (If you have trouble getting 3 people, or finding 3 that you trust to ask, this too is an indicator that you might not want to know.
Michael has given the following scale to assess yourself.
- 1-10 = Little or no self knowledge.
- 11-20 = Somewhat self aware to moderately conscious of their interactions with the world and others.
- 21-26 = A reflective and observant person. Capable of fair degree of personal insight.
- 27-32 = Highly self-aware and self-knowledgeable.
by Stephen Cocconi © 2005-2011