In a conversation with a friend of mine, she mentioned that while reading a couple of my recent newsletters, she determined that their short length was a hint that something had happened to me. Her actual words were “what have you done with my Cocconi?” The implication, of course, that since I am better known for my verbosity, than my brevity, something was amiss with me. I’m taking the 5th! No not a fifth of tequila (though it sounds tempting); nor the fifth amendment – where I withhold from you in fear of being self incriminating; but the 5th Internal Monad.(IM)..aka “review of life task.”
Well, I can confess that it’s onset has dipped into melancholy, roiling in self examination and evaluation. It takes time when you are as involved in this process as I am, so who can write long essays? Being a source for others makes the stakes of getting this right for myself even higher; since it is my integrity and clarity which you are buying from me when you engage my services. You see, though I am not a doctor, I believe in the Hippocratic Oath and apply it with serious intent…”do no harm.”
Enough of the chest beating. The main thing I realize about this time in my life, especially as I am coming up on age 55, (where did the time go?) is that I am in a period of review; “how well have I carried out my dreams?” Of course, I can paraphrase Hamlet saying it in the past tense: To have been, or not to have been, that…is the question? In other words, did I, or am I, going to be able to get done what the persistent thumbing of my Life Task in the in the echo chamber of my mind, beckons or nags me to do?
Now for those who are already successful at this, because you are certain you are on the right path, or those of you who have given up and just concluded; “well tomorrow is another day”…then my musings here might be a trifle bit tedious or annoying. Sorry about that! Not my intention. But I decided to answer my friend with a bit of public exposition on the subject and my process with it.
And pretty much before I ever went down the path of “spiritualism” – this is the historic term which encompasses all the New Age, Channeling, Michael Teaching, metaphysics and the like; for which, at least, one fated part of me cannot begin to shut-off nor escape; but because it is far too interesting and I am far too into it to turn back now! But, “what a long strange trip it’s been!”, acknowledging a song quote from a group, ironically called ,The Grateful Dead, no less! (Who said God didn’t have a sense of humor?)
So, as I muck about in the throws of this question, it is humor, and particularly my silly-ass version of it, that hits me right in the face. You see folks, besides Michael and their 1,050 parts; residing in me is a convention of commentators each of whom has their unique voice (literally accent, drawl. or caricature). Now, cutting to the obvious punch line, you’d think with all these voices in my head you could simply conclude “he’s nuts!” And, truth be told, I can’t say with certainty you’d be wrong. In fact, with this cast of thousands animating my day, entertaining me on the stage of my mind, I’ve chosen to think of it, instead; as the productive use of schizophrenia. 😉 When you get lemons…
Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I blame all of this on the 5th IM! Oy! What a pain in the ass! Especially when the old self-deprecating side of me takes the floor and announces “loser, you’ve blown it!” “Oh, thanks for sharing” comes a retort from yet another bellhop of my brain; one who is all too tired carrying around all my emotional baggage.
But the show goes on! And every day, a few more clever one-liners come into my head, grabbing my attention, knocking me topsy-turvey with the “what does it all mean” question. But if I’m really lucky, they make me laugh like hell! And, of course, the question is all about “what the hell am I doing here?” Getting an answer to this question is not necessarily the outcome of this IM; so much as it is to come to peace with whatever answer one gets. And certainly, coming to peace seems a heck of allot better that falling to pieces if I don’t like the answer that arrives on my mental doorstep. Wouldn’t you agree?
Well folks, I hope you enjoyed this little foray into the playground of my psyche. If I haven’t scared you off, come by anytime and play. I am, I think, really pretty good at sharing. 😀
Share yourselves today. What is the worse thing that could happen? Someone think you’re crazy? Hah! Or maybe, you’ll discover the answer to whether you are living your own life task? Good luck on that one!
All the best. Carpe scrotum!